Bangkok, Thailand
your experience is not what it is, but what you make of it
1:55 am
With extreme jetlag, my body is adjusting to the different time patterns and I can’t quite get to sleep yet.
Here I am in the city of angels as promised! Wooh, Krung Tep!
We’re in Thailand (finally). After the seemingly eternal 17 hours of flying from Taipei, I’m glad we finally made it next door to Laos.
According to the schedule, Vinya had someone set up to drop us off to the Silver Gardens hotel.
So little did we know that as the van drove up into the driveway, there seemed to be a farmers market happening literally right next door to the hotel. It was packed with vendors busy selling their items, the chitter chatter of people, and the roaring of car horns and Thai music.
One bowl of Kao Bun – 10 baht = $0.30
Four sticks of barbeque steak – 20 baht = $0.60
One Bowl of rice w/ fried chicken, cucumbers, and soup – 25 baht = $0.75
Ten fried French bread sticks = 20 baht =$0.60
So far for only two days, I have eaten, with a full stomach for less than $3.00.
To get a regular meal back home, it costs almost five dollars, per meal! And there’s no guarantee you’ll get full either.
Paying for food never tasted so good until now.
Even though we weren’t in Laos yet, it indeed felt we were very close to getting there.
As Toby and I checked in, a hotel worker handed her a sign-in sheet. Again with the different time frames, Toby and I were both off about what the actual date was here in Southeast Asia. Nervously, I tried to ask the person behind the counter, in Thai, what the date was. But, the response given back was a look of confusion because of my very rusty and poorly spoken Lao and Thai grammar – right after I would shy away in embarrassment.
This and other similar experiences while trying to buy things in the market lead me back to what my ultimate fear was: my inability of speaking the language and feeling outcast from the rest. Also, it didn’t help that I was carrying around a camera video taping all the items up for display.
I can’t describe it exactly in words… but whenever I can’t understand when someone is speaking Lao or Thai or if I’m not understand when I speak to them, I just feel instantly ashamed of myself. I look Lao, I feel Lao, but when it comes out of my mouth, things start to look ugly.
I know this is me being negative, but it’s just that in my mind I feel like I should understand every single word regardless whether I was raised in America or not. I grew up with the language for 18 years and still I can’t fluently speak or understand it. Back home in the states, people treat as if I’m too Asian. There’s an empty margin between the two worlds and I’m trapped in between them.
However… my ultimate fear also has turned into my ultimate goal, which is what the SAIL program is providing: to learn more about my parents’ culture, language, and way of life. In the next day I’ll be in Laos and I’ll be given the rare opportunity to experience all of these amazing things the SAIL is offering! Years ago I never imagined a program like this ever had the slightest chance of existing. But today, I am grateful and want to take as in as much as I can in the next several weeks.
Turning the clock back to when Vinya was dropping us off at the airport in San Francisco. He reminded Toby and I that during the trip you have two options: you can either choose to learn as much as you can; or you can choose to learn as little as you can. Bottom line, your experience is not what it is, but what you make of it.
And I hope to make something that will be unforgettable.
Wat in Thailand. Fun stuff! Can’t wait to see all the ones in Laos!