A view of the Mekong River.

“It doesn’t matter how much you have if you don’t have anyone to share it with,” these are the words my mother instilled in me since I was a child. I have always lived by these words, but have never witnessed their true meaning until this past week when I visited the village of my birthplace.

I arrived in Houayxay, Bokeo province, last Thursday, July 16, 2009. I was welcomed by my aunt, uncle and my two younger cousins. As I walked towards the crowd of people waiting for their loved ones, I wondered to myself if I would be able to pick out the aunt that I had only seen in a photo that my mother had mailed to me before my trip to Laos. Before I knew it, I heard my name being called. It was my aunt and uncle who had picked me out from the group because they had recognized my face as that of my mother. The smile on their faces made me realize how great this visit was going to be. During the almost two-hour ride towards home, we talked as though we’d known each other forever. My aunt and uncle joked about how they spotted me at the airport not only because I had my mother’s face, but also because I had my mother’s height and how little I’d changed since I had left them. Once I arrived at my grandmother’s house, I found her with her head looking out of the side window of the house. The glint in her eyes and smile on her now very small framed face was priceless. I could not have asked for a better welcoming. My family knew I was coming so they made sure there was food ready for me to eat and as you all know, I was very excited to see it and couldn’t ask for anything else. They even went out and purchased a new mattress for me to sleep on. For the rest of the day, I had visits from relatives who were curious to see how this once round-faced, bald little girl had changed. Everyone asked the same question when they arrived, “Is this E Nang Yaeng?”, as that is what I am called in the village. Everyone had stories to share about things I used to do as a child, the friends I used to run around with and the story of the day my parents, siblings and I left. I could have sat around all day listening to their stories.

I stayed in Muang Mom only six days, but I have to say that I’ve never had a more relaxed, carefree time as I did there. I spent most of my days riding a bike around the village with one of my little cousins sitting behind me, making visits to homes of relatives who saw us and called me to stop by. Every stop I made, I was offered something to drink and anything they had to eat and of course more stories to listen to. Because I lost my biological father once we arrived to the United States, I had very little memory of him, but the stories everyone had to share made me understand where I got my personality from. I would have never known this about myself if I hadn’t had this opportunity to hear his stories directly for myself. When it was time for me to leave their homes, everyone would always apologize and tell me they wish they had more to give me. I was amazed at this gesture because if it was an outsider looking in, they would see it the other way around and that I should be the one saying sorry for not being able to offer more. Although every family in the village were hard-working farmers, they could not be any more humble than they were for having enough to live off and good family and friends to spend their time with. This is something that really touches my heart and I admire a lot. My visit was during rice planting season, so I learned that if you were done planting on your land, you would help others in the village.  The way they saw it was that you are not finished until everyone else is too. The sense of community they had just blew my mind. Most of my mornings and afternoons were spent exploring the village. In the evenings, I spent my time at home just hanging around with the family. I loved playing with my little cousins and especially loved it when I could just sit outside watching my grandmother feed the many chickens she was raising. I also enjoyed hanging out with everyone in the kitchen as my aunts prepared meals over the clay stove they used. We would all sit and eat together. I don’t remember the last time I had the chance to sit down with my family to a home cooked meal, since my family lives so far away from me.

Due to the fact that my cell phone couldn’t get any reception up in the North, I had nothing to distract me from being home and just taking everything in day by day. I loved being surrounded by everything Lue. I even think I can speak the language better now. Everyone was surprised and happy that I could eat everything they cooked for me and that I was able to make conversation. This is thanks to my mother. I feel very fortunate and blessed that she didn’t let me forget and lose my background. During such a short trip, I learned so much about myself and my family and even got a couple pictures of myself as a child during my time in Laos that I had never seen before. I even learned that the village I was born in is right across from Myanmar and that it was part of the Golden Triangle; I would sit at the Mekong River banks some afternoons and just look over and down the river and wonder what people on the other side were doing or how they were living. This trip also made me realize how little time I have here and how much I still want to see and learn about Laos. There are still so many more places and different groups in this rich country that I would love to explore and visit. I am already trying to plan my next trip back.

It’s been a while since my last blog and as usual a lot has happened so I would like to share a couple of stories with all you readers.

At first I was pretty bummed  because I thought that we would not be able to partake in any festival or celebration while we are here since it is the rainy season, but luckily, we were able to take part in Khao Pansa (Buddhist Lent).  Khao Pansa this year started on July 7^th and continues for the next three months.  During this time, the monks spend most of their time in prayer and meditation and are restricted from traveling far out from their villages.  The night before Khao Pansa, families sit together to prepare Khao Tom (steamed rice dessert) and various other goodies that they will use for Tak Baht on the morning of Khao Pansa.  Some of us had the opportunity to visit our Achaan’s (teacher) home and help wrap the rice in banana leaves for the Khao Tom.  Once again I was able to experience first hand the togetherness that the Lao culture strives to upkeep.  On the morning of Khao Pansa people take time out from their daily activities to visit temples in their neighborhood with their family.  It is during this time that people take time to reflect on their lives and ask for forgiveness on past sins that they may have committed.  Later the same night, many return to the temple to participate in Vien Tien. This event consists of lit candles, wrapped with flowers, and walking around the temple three times, ending with placing your candles on the Buddha statue that represents the day of the week you were born.  It was very heart warming to see all the faces that made it out for Khao Pansa, most temples even ran out of sitting spaces; this showed me how important the people of Laos thought of their tradition/religion.  I would have never thought that I would be blessed with the opportunity to take part of Khao Pansa at the That Luang temple.  It was a very humbling experience for me since That Luang is such an important place for the Lao people and Khao Pansa is a meaningful celebration.

I had originally thought that I would make a visit to my birth place this past weekend, but some changes came about and I joined the rest of the group to Luang Prabang.  Although it was a long 10 hours bumpy road trip, it was worth it because the route was very scenic with beautiful mountains, rice fields and small towns along the mountain sides.  Luang Prabang is definitely a place worth visiting because it has a lot to offer with its history and magnificent landmarks to see.  The best part of this trip was the chance for me to meet some relatives that I have not seen since I left Laos.  They were so welcoming and kind that I wish we could have stayed longer.  The most awesome thing they did for me was a last minute Baci (blessing ceremony) the night before we left.  All the other SAILers, except Vatsana because she had to spend time with her family, were also invited to be part of the Baci.  After the Baci we had dinner and once everyone left I stayed behind a little longer to just sit and talk with my aunt and uncle.  Boy did they have some interesting stories to tell me, stories I probably would have not thought to ask myself.  I am learning more about myself and my family’s history since I’ve been here than I’ve learned in my entire life before I arrived.  I even learned that I was actually born in a different village than I have always thought.  These important facts about myself, along with many other things that I am learning while I am here, have made me realize how important of a decision it was for me to come study/visit Laos with the SAIL program.  Tomorrow I leave Vientiane to go home to Muang Mom, the place I been longing to visit.  I am more than excited.  I know that I will learn so much more about my family and myself.  I can say with confidence that this trip will be the most emotional trip for me while I am here.

As for everything else, I am learning a lot, in class and everywhere I go.  The people here have been more than kind and welcoming.  They are always so eager to talk to me and I am as well with them.  I am proud to say I am reading, although it takes me a while to read a couple of sentences.  I hope to become even better at writing.  I have to say, this accomplishment could not have been possible in such a short time if I did not have good teachers, my Achaan (teacher) and language friends to practice with, and of course due to the fact that I am in this beautiful country taking in everything Lao.  My volunteer at the hospital has also been great, everyone is so nice and accommodating, always asking me what I would like to see and learn.  I am still eating a lot, although mommy’s cooking is still the bes,  and trying to explore more of the city whenever I get the chance.