S A I L » 2010 » June

Bangkok, Thailand

your experience is not what it is, but what you make of it

1:55 am

With extreme jetlag, my body is adjusting to the different time patterns and I can’t quite get to sleep yet.

Here I am in the city of angels as promised! Wooh, Krung Tep!

We’re in Thailand (finally). After the seemingly eternal 17 hours of flying from Taipei, I’m glad we finally made it next door to Laos.

According to the schedule, Vinya had someone set up to drop us off to the Silver Gardens hotel.

So little did we know that as the van drove up into the driveway, there seemed to be a farmers market happening literally right next door to the hotel. It was packed with vendors busy selling their items, the chitter chatter of people, and the roaring of car horns and Thai music.

One bowl of Kao Bun – 10 baht = $0.30

Four sticks of barbeque steak – 20 baht = $0.60

One Bowl of rice w/ fried chicken, cucumbers, and soup – 25 baht = $0.75

Ten fried French bread sticks = 20 baht =$0.60

So far for only two days, I have eaten, with a full stomach for less than $3.00.

To get a regular meal back home, it costs almost five dollars, per meal! And there’s no guarantee you’ll get full either.

Paying for food never tasted so good until now.

Even though we weren’t in Laos yet, it indeed felt we were very close to getting there.

As Toby and I checked in, a hotel worker handed her a sign-in sheet. Again with the different time frames, Toby and I were both off about what the actual date was here in Southeast Asia. Nervously, I tried to ask the person behind the counter, in Thai, what the date was. But, the response given back was a look of confusion because of my very rusty and poorly spoken Lao and Thai grammar – right after I would shy away in embarrassment.

This and other similar experiences while trying to buy things in the market lead me back to what my ultimate fear was: my inability of speaking the language and feeling outcast from the rest. Also, it didn’t help that I was carrying around a camera video taping all the items up for display.

I can’t describe it exactly in words… but whenever I can’t understand when someone is speaking Lao or Thai or if I’m not understand when I speak to them, I just feel instantly ashamed of myself. I look Lao, I feel Lao, but when it comes out of my mouth, things start to look ugly.

I know this is me being negative, but it’s just that in my mind I feel like I should understand every single word regardless whether I was raised in America or not. I grew up with the language for 18 years and still I can’t fluently speak or understand it. Back home in the states, people treat as if I’m too Asian. There’s an empty margin between the two worlds and I’m trapped in between them.

However… my ultimate fear also has turned into my ultimate goal, which is what the SAIL program is providing: to learn more about my parents’ culture, language, and way of life. In the next day I’ll be in Laos and I’ll be given the rare opportunity to experience all of these amazing things the SAIL is offering! Years ago I never imagined a program like this ever had the slightest chance of existing. But today, I am grateful and want to take as in as much as I can in the next several weeks.

Turning the clock back to when Vinya was dropping us off at the airport in San Francisco. He reminded Toby and I that during the trip you have two options: you can either choose to learn as much as you can; or you can choose to learn as little as you can. Bottom line, your experience is not what it is, but what you make of it.

And I hope to make something that will be unforgettable.

Wat in Thailand. Fun stuff! Can’t wait to see all the ones in Laos!

2010 SAIlers in front of the San Francisco city hall.

2010 SAILers in San Francisco

This year’s SAILers, Phouthasack, Toby, Akarath, and Ryan are all leaving for Laos either this evening or tomorrow evening. It’s been exciting, stressful, and above all rewarding to work with the four SAILers in the past months.

The plane tickets were too high, almost $1700 for each student and it took what seemed forever to search for them. One of the SAILers lost his passport and had to apply for a new one on the departure date at the San Francisco Passport Agency.

Despite it all, I am proud of these young and energetic students who will embark on their journey back to the land of their forefathers. Listening to Phouthasack, Toby, and Akarath talked about how they grew up lonely and isolated because there were very few Lao families around or because they were different, reminded me of my own upbringings. Ryan’s desire to learn more about the country that he is so passionate about also reveals the important work that we do—to provide an opportunity for young scholars to engage in Lao Studies.

Since this is the second year, we have improved on a few things to make SAIL better and more enjoyable for everyone. First, we have included a home stay component to the second month of the program. Second, we have hired a very knowledgeable in-country program leader, Mr. Xuan. Third, the classes have also improved. We are gearing the lessons to the need of the students: only two students per teacher.

We hope to get more students next year, but understand that the $5,000 fee is a little high for some. The good news is that we will keep the fee at the same level even if we have to subsidize the cost. As long as there is a demand for SAIL we will find a way somehow; a big donation would help greatly though

In about four weeks I will be visiting the SAILers before taking them all to the 3rd International Conference on Lao Studies at Khon Kaen University, Thailand. I look forward to seeing them again and to learn all the wonderful things they have done half way through SAIL. I feel so fortunate that the Center for Lao Studies started this program and truly feel like a proud parent to have Phouthasack, Toby, Akarath, and Ryan as 2010 SAILers.